For the Love of Textiles

Today I went to the graveyard to bring flowers. I usually go there twice a week.  A cycle-trip from 20 minutes.  It is a very calming and healing place to go. I go there to talk to him and to be silent with him. To think and to cry. Just to be with him. Sometimes the day starts well, but it can change in a second.  This morning I went to the market to buy flowers and vegetables. My favourite stall is from a Chinese family. You buy your veg and fruit and they always give you some extra for free. Some apples, a basket of strawberries...a melon.. The "mother" asked me: How are you and how is the other Mister? I answered that Bram passed away in April, and in a split second there was emotion on both sides. It usually happens once a week that I am asked how Bram is doing (last night too, while in the open air cinema on the square) and that I have to tell what has happened. it is very logical because we have been living togehter here in the centre all these years. W...

It seems that at this phase in my life things have changed. Things I loved to do before Bram passed away suddenly don't work anymore for me.. Not much enjoyment in cooking anymore.... And... I used to knit for years everyday, but I haven't knit now seriously for months. Guess it is because of the importancy knitting had in that difficult period we both had. Knitting always brought me into a relaxing mood. Sitting and knitting  next to him while he watched tv. Knitting is connected to him in a way, and that is why it is so difficult to start again...might not make sense to you, but it does to me. I have to block a finished scarf.. And finish off an Icelandic cardi for myself.. Just a buttonband and ordering buttons....not that much work.. Than there is a simple Ishbel on the needles..waiting to be picked up.. Really should work on all of them.... And, I bought some Beautiful Shilasdair yarn while on the Isle of Skye, for an upcoming Winter sw...

Yesterday was my birthday. I have turned 55. It was strange to wake up alone after an evening full of tears before the morning. No one next to me to give me a kiss and a present, as I was used over the last 30 years. First time... there have been many "First Times" over the last months.  First time going to a party alone..and first time coming home alone after that party... First time going on holiday alone..and first time coming home alone... First time cooking a meal for me alone..and eating it alone....  (to tell you the truth..I hate cooking at the moment..and I used to love it..) First time sleeping alone in our double bed... First time telling people that he had passed away...(that still happens..) First time going to the market and realizing that you don't need that amount of oranges anymore.. And there are more...many more First Times... Living alone after living together for so long will take a lot of time to get used to it.....